He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
