Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
