They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
