his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
