stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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