oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
