i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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