dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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