I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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