I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
