Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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