so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
