dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
