it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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