U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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