Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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