I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
