Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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