2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
