I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
