do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
