the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize