Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
