I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
