when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
