i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's always time for handjobs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
