What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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