first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
