Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
