Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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