Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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