I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
