oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
