I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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