I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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