If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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