Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize