He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
