that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
