I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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