I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize