Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
