THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
