I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
