Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
