dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
