Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
