There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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