I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
