just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
