brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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