ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your penis caused this!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
