70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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