i wish my penis had a tongue
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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