somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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