Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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