i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
