Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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