fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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