let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
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