that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
