Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize