I wannas sexs uuuuu
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
