I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
